Cycle 7

For some reason, the start of this cycle just plain hurts (and I'm not talking about the cramps). I just want to curl up in a ball an cry. Maybe it's the emotional toll of the last six cycles, or that DH's niece got pregnant unintentionally, or that he has pretty much given up and is about ready to stop trying since he is feeling like he is getting too old to have kids at all. I don't know, but this one sucks ass.

I swear I'm normal.

But my chart turns me into a freaky, obsessive psycho. I over analyze every little thing. And those fuckers that thought it would be fun to add the points- I could beat them severely. A couple days ago when my temp dropped a bit, I tried to push implantation dip out of my head. Today's temp didn't help with this one bit. Not at all. Now I know I am just going to get my hopes up and that is going to drive me bananas.

I suppose it is a good thing I don't have an issue with testing early. Two days I will be 8 dpo and will start testing. Maybe. It's finally getting to the point where it is getting hard to see those negatives all the time. I guess 6 months of trying will do that to you.

Maggie the Genius

So we are getting the footings dug for our garage. For those of you who haven't had any experience with this, this requires a three foot deep trench dug around the perimeter of the floor. The only way back to the back yard goes right by this area, and the dogs normally swing a little wide and run through the mud (stop laughing- wait for me to get to the funny part).
So J and I decide it would be best if we led them back to the gate (normally we open the door and let them run back there on their won). J takes Maggie (our wonderful Rottie). She is not a fan of being led anywhere by her collar, so she slips out of it, tries to side step DH...and tumbles into the 3' deep trench. The look of complete confusion on her face was priceless (I would have gotten a picture, but I was laughing too damn hard). The guys working out there all stopped because they were laughing too.

J finally jumped down in the hole with her to help get her out while I pulled from up top (a struggling, scared 95 lbs dog is a ball of fun). She did very well coming back in.

Maybe it was the caution tape that is up now.

::head desk::

So I found out this morning that DH's niece is pregnant. Nice. Not that she is 16 or anything like that, far from it. 24, married longer than we have been, just bought a house. But not wanting a baby. She's not happy about it- I am hoping it's just from shock because if she says one bitchy word about being pregnant arond me (not how she's feeling or anything, just about the fact that she is), I will have a difficult time not throat punching her (she does know we are TTC).

On a plus side though, my step dad's surgery went well today and he should be heading home tomorrow. I think the pregnancy was just really bad timing for me to find out and actually be happy for her. Maybe in a couple days.

Laughter

It really does help. Even if it's forced to begin with.

Now as long as tomorrow goes well, it will be even easier to laugh- without forcing it.

I hate today.

November 6 is a crappy day and I am glad it won't be here for another year. I thought the shitty weather was going to be the craptasical part of my day. Wrong.

I always put my phone on vibrate at work. I don't think I will ever do that again. My mom started calling me at 7 this morning. J finally got a hold of me at about 10:45. And he wonderfully got to give me the news that my stepdad had a heart attack the night before and was in the hospital in Omaha.

Well fuck me running. I carpool and wasn't driving- that left me with no way to get there. J managed to get off work, but it was 12:30 before he got there. Was a crappy hour and 45 minutes. I got nothing done (unless you count not crying as accomplishing something, which then I did get that done for the most part).

Step dad didn't look horrible (considering). It was a pretty major attack apparently. They cleared a bunch of the blockage and got one stint in when he came into the ER, but he wasn't stable enough to do the other two he will need. He actually coded when they got him to the room because his heart didn't know what to do with that much blood supply. He is getting two more tomorrow and then may go home on Saturday, but it will depend on how tomorrow goes.

I fucking hate today.

Dear ovaries

Would one of you please release your captive? I realize it's only CD19, but I am seriously impatient and hate when things get delayed.

Your swift compliance with my request would be appreciated.