For those that question if I am as much as a bitch in real life

I shall share this marvelous gem.

After my marathon o'volleyball today (after which I was tired and sore and just wanted to go home), I headed to J's family's thanksgiving (I was really, really hoping they would be gone by the time we got done. No dice). So I plopped myself on a chair and was whining with B (J's nephew's girlfriend- who at 38 has no children due to unexplained IF and everyone knows this) about having to be there while listening to J's mainly tone deaf family attempt karaoke.

So his niece comes over and says to us "Any one want a baby?". I glared at her and replied.

"That's a stupid fucking question."

Bitch knows that J and I are going through IF. Hell, she went through it herself (which is probably the most infuriating part). He son was conceived after 5 cycles of Clomid, require progesterone through the first trimester, and she had a couple losses prior to that pregnancy. And you are going to come to a table where the only two people sitting there are infertile to make this comment.

If she wasn't pregnant with number 2, I would have thrown a chair at her. Through I probably would have missed since I am so sore.

Bring on the needles.

I am probably going to drop 5 lbs Saturday due to blood loss (oh yeah, bleeding commenced today, so that will be CD3). There are the wonderful standard CD3 tests, but on top of that I get the following:
-RPR
-Hep BsAG
-Hep B Core Total AB
-Hep C
-HIV
-Blood type & RH (kind of sad that at 28 I have no clue as to the answer on this one)
-Rubella immunity
-CMV IgG
-CMV IgM

On a weird note, this has been that calmest period I have had, cramp-wise, in my life. And the blood is, well, red flow and didn't start off chunky like it normally does. Weird. Leave it to my shit to go all normal right before testing.

Reality sometimes bites.

Now that there is a little more hope, the reality that we might actually have a baby one of these days is sinking in a bit more. It's made me realize what all needs to be done around our house (I will admit, J and I don't do a very good job with upkeep as it is just us and damn it, that take a lot of work).

After last night, thanks to a certain someone, I now have something else that will be stuck in the back of my mind. It's a bit cart before horse, but it's something I will probably need to start considering. There is about a very likely chance (and by that I mean around 99%) that J will not be here when the baby is born- hell, even if I get pregnant on our own this cycle he likely wouldn't be here. So who on Earth would I have in the delivery room with me?

Eep. That's a tough one. We'll go with the 4 that pop into my brain first. My first thought would be my mom or sister. Problem- they live an hour away. If I become one of those crazy people who ends up making multiple trips to L&D (which I think my ER trips earlier this week kind of points to that possibility), that kind of rules them out (and no, they can't stay here- we don't have extra beds. Though my mom could stay and my aunt and uncles a couple miles away and since she works here, that would actually be a bonus). So I guess mom isn't completely ruled out, but not a given.

My next two contenders would be J's nehpew's girlfriend (B) or my best friend (L). I know B would be there in a heartbeat and would love to be there. L is very into mediciney things, so I think she would be into it as well. However neither of them has kids, so they wouldn't know what is going on (then again neither would J, so I really shouldn't hold that against them too much).

Grr. Thank God I have time to think about this because seriously, I have no fucking clue. Maybe I'll just invite everyone and roll a keg into the delivery room.

Well hello dildo cam.

We meet for the first time, but probably not the last time.

RE appointment went well (and his OB resident was, um, not hard on the eyes we shall shall. Who am I kidding- he's fucking hot). Anyway, did a quick once over medical history, TTC history, then resident says "Ok, now we'll go do an internal ultrasound." Hey, it's called forewarning damn it. Not that is really matters (actually I probably would have shaved and been all purdy down there. Next time I definitely will be).

After the RE reviewed the U/S results (which looked great- shocker, I know), went back to talk with the RE. Next course of action will be to run a full CD3 panel (take that Mr. we-don't-need-to-do-FSH-and-E2-and-LH-because-you-ovulate). J did his HIV/Hepatitis/whatever bloodwork today. J may or may not be doing a repeat SA, depending on how RE feels about the results of the first test and how we decide to proceed. Provided that all comes back normal, we will proceed with Clomid and either timed intercouse or IUI (our choice). He is leaning toward a potential mild case of PCOS given my history of psycho cycles, but won't jump to that diagnosis until we have all the info back.

We were leaning toward 3 cycles TI, 3 cycles IUI, but after the billing lady threw out the OOP costs of an IUI to us ($450), that changed that. Provided my bloodwork shows nothing screwy, we are looking at IUI in January. Happy New Year!

Giant ball o'stress = me

For those that missed the fun, I checked myself into the ER last night (maybe I should have gone up a couple floors. Anyway). My left arm has been bothering me for sometime, but last night it went from mild annoyance to shooting pain and my arm going numb. And my jaw was tense and felt locked up. Breathing? Apparently I needed none of that, or so my lungs decided. In the back of my mind, did I really think that I was having a cardiac episode? No. But I also know that there is no way in hell I was going to be able to sleep without some kind of confirmation that it was just in my head. I actually went twice, the first time I stopped short of walking in the door by about 20 feet and went back home, where everything resumed and continued to grow.

Had J been home, I may have felt differently, but at that moment my entire thought process was that there was no way I was going to sleep as I don't know if I am going to wake up in the morning. So back to the ER I went (where I checked in right behind another lady who was having similar issues (except they didn't look at her like she was crazy- probably because she was more the type to actually be in there for a heart issue).

So 4 hours, a E?G (I don't know which one they did), 2 chest x-rays and 4 vials of blood later I left the hospital with a clean bill of health (and a prescription for narcotic painkillers. Seriously, what the fuck?) and a referral to some random doctor for a follow up. Fine. I'll play your little game (and bend over for the awesome bill that is likely coming out of this funtasticness).

Is stress the culprit? My thought is a resounding yes. The past month has been a fun one. Let's review:
-new phone system at work
-audit on a major job at work
-going paperless at work
-J having the flu
-Me being sick
-Cancelling our party because of the illness
-Both of us being healthy the by original party date
-replanning said party for two weeks later
-1'st dental appointment in 10 years
-dentist wanting to pull my wisdom teeth
-making my RE appointment
-getting all of the forms completed and records for the RE appointment
-my long standing inability to sleep (I have had insomnia issues, and when you are having heart palpitations every time you lay down, that doesn't help)

I'm sure there is more, but thinking about it is making my arm go numb again.

I know you're jealous.

So this is encouraging.

I decided to check around a bit on the RE office I will be seeing. I believe I found the right person (it's been a while since they told me who I will be seeing, but he's the only male RE listed in the practice, so I am assuming it is him).

I decided to check the rate your doctor sites to see what I could find on him. This is one:
Dr. is a good and caring doctor. I had been down the infertility road with another doctor in another state and knew what I wanted. He listened to me and took my thoughts seriously, and pretty much let me decide the course of my own treatment, based on what I knew had worked in the past. I was impressed by that - some doctors don't like the patients coming in with strong opinions about their care. I appreciated him listening to me, and it worked on the first try - I am 19 weeks along with a healthy boy. :) If we decide to go for one more pregnancy, I will be going back to him for sure.

Yay- he puts up with opionated patients and hears them out. Me likey. Now I don't feel so bad about the laundry list of questions I need to finalize for Thursday.