Ugg

Why did I think having people over here for the evening was a good idea? Now were are attempting to clean this entire pigsty, and it is a pain in the ass. Sigh. Such is the penalty for wanting to be a good hostess. I wish I was cool with them coming over to my mess, but I'm just not. I blame my mother for that.

On a plus note though, my temps have taken a lovely upward trend. About freaking time.

Where did my husband go?

It's been almost 5 hours since he went to the car show. It's almsot 11 PM and he is out on his bike. And he left his phone at home. WTF assmonkey?

Am I finally there?

At long last? Maybe did I finally O on what should have been 10 dpo- I should have been trying to convince myself that testing so soon was fucktarded. But I did get to test today at least (thank you saveontests.com- I would have spent a bundle having to test for an extra 10 days this month!)- a have never been so happy to fail a test in my life. After yesterday's insane positive (the test line showed up before the control and was darker. I'm pretty sure that means we are ready for launch!) and the ovulation pains from hell, if I don't get a spike tomorrow, I am likely going to hurt someone.

Maybe my neighbor who thinks the sidewalk is his personal motorcycle driveway. Yep, he's first.

End of the craziness?

Could it be? Finally? I will be waiting with bated breath when I awake in the morn!


Quick update: The last test I was faking a positive because I wanted it to be one. These two really were positive! Yay- I think my ovaries have finally come off of their short vacation!

Maybe?

Why do I not feel like I have truly ovulated this cycle yet? Everything has been so screwed up that I don't believe what my chart it telling me. I find FF to be a big fat liar. We shall see.

Progress?

The lines are getting progressively darker again. Thanks to the BOTB girls that pointed out my delay and chart stupidity is most likely due to stress- which I have had plenty of. Hopefully the lines will continue to progress and we can get this show on the road.

On a completely unrelated note, J is passed out at the moment. Apparently a bunch of beer and numerous shots of varying alcohols kicked his ass! I have been having so much fun at his expense, as it is normally the other way around. Taking full advantage of mocking him while I can.

Well, fuck me running!

Did someone out there steal my ovulation? Did I freaking lose it somewhere? I realize I am not all that late at this point, but it is seriously getting old! Friday I had about a halfway dark line on my OPK- which was a progressive build up from the prior few days. Then suddenly, nothing. Not even the faintest hint of a line. I have clearly not ovulated yet, so who knows what the hell is going on.

It would be my luck though- the past few months everything has been pretty darn predictable. I figured with getting my cycle down and knowing what should be going on when before John got home would be great and might help our chances. And what happens the first month he's home- my cycle starts going to shit. Cute. Very cute. I am praying this is a one time deal and that I won't have to deal with this a bunch of times. Right now I think I would deal with a negative pregnancy test or getting my period a lot better than I am waiting for my stupid egg.

Oh the stress of actually being TTC. This is lovely- I am pretty sure I am going to lose my mind (or what little is left of it) extremely quickly!

At long last

John is out of the house for a while so I can play. Hooray! We were going to go on a poker run today, but I hurt so bad from our 5 1/2 hours of golf yesterday that there is no way I could sit on the back of a bike for 300 miles. Not gonna happen. Not sure if he's going to go without me, but I don't care if he does. I am actually looking forward to some alone time. I think he finally understood that yesterday when we had our little blowup at the golf course. He just kept pushing and pushing and I couldn't take it anymore. We got it talked out, but I thought he was seriously going to cry when I told him that I just wanted some alone time. He didn't hear "Please just leave me alone for an hour or so", he heard "I'm not happy you're home and you are in the way". Oh joy- that's the message I trying to convey- right.

Fortunately, the deployment helped us with our communication a lot. Prior to it, this would have turned into a huge multi day ordeal over a simple misunderstanding. Now its just a few minutes and learning to ask for clarification (since we mainly talked over IM, it's hard to tell someone's tone over that, so that happened a lot). Huge plus on that end.

Who the fuck are you?

OK, I knew there would be a bit of weirdness at first. But it is seriously weird. I feel like I have no idea who this man is that is in my home right now. After seeing how some of his friends have struggled with their returns, it terrifies me that he is going to have adjustment issues. Don't get me wrong, I am insanely happy that he is home and safe. But I have gotten so used to living without him that it is beyond odd that he is really here.

I know that over time it will get easier and we will fall into a routine and all will be great, but for now, it's just weird.

Why am I not ready yet?

DH will be home in 3 1/2 hours. I still have a bunch of crap to do and I feel like doing none of it. At this point, I no longer care- I just want him home. They have already taken off, so he is en route. Holy hell. He's really going to be home. Weird!

Holy crap

T-15 hours and counting! It's almost real!

Almost real

It's getting almost real at this point. While John and I have been together for about 4 1/2 years, there's a huge difference between dating and being married. We have been married for just over 19 months- we have actually been together for 7 1/2 of those. Most of our marriage has been apart.

Not that I was dependent on him before this deployment, but it has forced me to deal with things I didn't have to while I was still in school and could still somewhat rely on parents to bail me out on occasion. Not now- I just couldn't bring myself to do that. So instead I learned to do the stupid little things I had always dumped on mom. Plus dealing with loads of other things that came up over the past year (oh, do I have stories for upcoming blogs). Honestly, I should be heavily medicated considering the stress level I have been at since last summer.

How are things going to go when he is really, truly home? It seems weird to think that he will actually be back in this house on a regular basis again. It's almost frightening.