I have a blog?

Oh shit, I do. A couple actually. My bad.

I've been busy with training and whatnot. I managed to get up a 315 lb squat yesterday with only a belt and wrist wraps. Sweetness. Thursday we are going to break out the suits and wraps. I am scared. Ok, not really. I love lifting in suits. It rocks. The state record for the organization I will be lifting in is 374 lbs- that's pretty much where I plan on opening (you get three attempts in a meet). I am hoping I can blow that away and jump up to 400 on the second attempt. The bench record is 236- I should be able to do that, but I don't know if 241 is doable after a 400 lb squat. I will just have to try. Deadlift is 352- I should be able to pull a 359 to beat that, so I should snag the total record as well. That in and of itself was enough for me to actually be happy the AF showed yesterday.

Though the rabies almost got me tonight. J's niece had her little girl today. I got to hold her when she was a mere 3 hours old. Sigh, for some reason I fear that is the youngest baby I will ever get to hold. But she is absolutely adorable (and a screamer). She and mom are both doing very well and should be heading home in a couple days.

Apparently I just needed a hobby.

So I made an executive decision yesterday. There is a meet here in town 5 weeks from today(a fairly major one, as much as local meets can be major). I am currently approximately 15 lbs over my weight class- that is a cuttable weight (though I am hoping I can actually lose enough that I don't have to cut).

Entry fee paid. I have missed this so damn much, and have skipped too many meets because I might be pregnant by them and then am not, but haven't done the proper training, so I would end up having to lift way below my normal weights or have to take a big risk trying to lift weights I am not prepared for. So I just haven't gone.

No more. It's amazing how much better if felt to have something to look forward to that is a guarantee. I am mapping out my training schedule, have to con someone from the gym (who coaches lifters) to help me the week before the meet as DH has drill and will be out of town (I will be into my supportive gear by then and meet prep requires another person- it is not possible to get a properly fitted bench shirt on by yourself. Trust me. Squat I could do, but you waste so much energy wrapping your own knees). I am ridiculously excited at this prospect (though this is bringing back the pissiness towards my former coach who is now in jail- busted for child porn, cameras in our changing room, not good times- but those I can deal with. I could deal with it better if I could chuck the wrap roller at his head, but I can't so whatever).

Now I have to start into some deadlift workouts. I have no clue where I am at one this lift (and sadly it is my worst lift and it should be my best- I have lost many a meet due to my less than stellar deadlift. 350 many sound awesome to most people, but with my experience, lifting level, and weight class, my opening attempt should be at least 400. At least).


Ok, I'll stop. I could go on forever and a couple more days about this stuff. I absolutely love it and have missed it so.

I knew I married this man for a reason.

I, for whatever reason, did not take the news well that the next step will be a laparoscopy in 2-3 months. Maybe it's because I am sure that will encompass one cycle. Maybe it's because I wanted something more aggressive. Maybe I am just off my rocker. Who knows. I had every intention of writing this post as an I Quit post. I was bawling the whole way home (fun when you have a 45 mile drive) and pretty much had the whole post written in my head.

Fortunately, DH intercepted me before I was able to get on. Why he has such a good outlook on this whole thing, I have no clue. He was very calm about it, and just kept reminding me that we have time, that there is still hope, there is a lot to be looked into yet. It's only 2 months that we have before we move on- we are eating better since I am trying to lose weight, I have lost weight, overall we have been taking better care of ourselves and should just give it time. Of course he knows that I am quite possibly the most impatient person on the planet, so he know it wouldn't sit well, but the fact that he has such a good outlook on it is helping. Damn him.

So now we wait 2-3 months. I am still contemplating a break from charting, but I have said that before and I doubt it will happen. I will just have to be patient. Someone give me a straightjacket.

About fucking time.

So the nurse finally called me back after 3 today (after I called her at 11). Originally the lab ran the wrong test (dipshits). So they had to do it again, doing the correct test this time. To add to the pile of insanity, my OB's mother dies Monday (that one I can definitely understand why I didn't hear anything).

So, according to the test, I was 11 dpo when the test was done. According to FAM (which I believe is the more correct option for my chart that cycle, not advanced), I was precisely 11 dpo. Dr is supposed to call me Friday (deja vu) to let me know where we go from here. I hope he has something in mind because I am fresh out of what the check. Long story short- there's nothing wrong. We are exactly where my aunt and uncle were- nothing wrong but can't get pregnant. Fantastic.

And sadly, I got to thinking about it while I was waiting for her to call, and we actually have more cycles than I give us credit for. We did try for a while before DH's deployment. We add those in and we are actually on month 20. I don't think I am ready for that number. I will stick with 14.

Um, hello?

Friday was several days ago. Where the fuck are my results? I had somewhat expected that they wouldn't be in Friday since I went in late Tuesday and they say it takes 3 days. Monday is over. What the hell? I fully intend on calling at noon tomorrow if I haven't heard anything.

Not that I am expecting them to say anything other than normal. Seriously- this was the most "normal" period I have had in eons. I was actually flow- not 3 days of clumps, but 5 days of flow. Why now? Why the one cycle I am getting my shit tested does it decide to be normal? It's bullshit. Stupid fucking ute. I hate you.

CD1

Go figure. I almost laughed when my doctor said that the biopsy wouldn't bring on my period. Dude, it was almost here anyway. Really? I was praying it wouldn't start before the test as I was getting some wicked cramps all morning.

And those turned out to be squat compared to the procedure itself. I almost blacked out. It was horrid. My cervix wouldn't cooperate, so in goes the tenaculum (which was not necessary during my HSG and probably why it didn't hurt as bad). To top it off, my cervix was so tight he could barely get the pipelle in. Lovely. That felt amazing. Then a few minutes of prodding- wonderful. It hurt like nothing I never felt before.

Had some bleeding afterward which I think was from the biopsy, but who knows. Finally after a nap, my cervix was no longer throbbing. Today was just a normal crappy CD1. Whoopee.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow scares the holy crap out of me. I don't know why. I am afraid it's going to hurt like a mother fucker. I am more afraid it's going to be another costly test that isn't going to come up with any answers- just like the rest. I would love to at least have some kind of answer, but I just have a sinking feeling this is going to leave me with just as much of a question mark as everything else.