For the first time, I actually allowed myself to get a little excited. How can you argue with my chart? Clearly it must be the HPTs.
WRONG.
Fuck this shit. I want a baby. Badly. But I don't need this psychological mindfuck. I wish there was something logical to be found in my chart at the moment, but there's not. There's just not. Did I not ovulate? If not, why did I have such a great shift? Did I ovulate later? If so, that is complete crap and we are completely hosed.
It took everything I had not to break down at work. Everything. I am mentally exhausted right now. As much as I was a pessimist before, this short stint of optimism has shoved me even further to the side of pessimism than I even have been. I want a child, I want to have a family with my husband, but this is fucking ridiculous. Right now, I just want a fucking answer. I don't even give a shit anymore which one it is.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
What the fuck, Chuck?
Perhaps I should have Chuck Norris come sort out the situation in my ute. It would be much faster and less stressful than what I am being given.
I am now 2 days late. My chart is fucking triphasic. And negative on the test. Gaaaaaah! I am going to lose my mind.
I am now 2 days late. My chart is fucking triphasic. And negative on the test. Gaaaaaah! I am going to lose my mind.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Asshat of the week!
Winner- my body. Fucking whore. I'm 15 dpo- either bleed or let the damn pee test be positive.
Regardless of outcome, I will be making a call to the doctor Monday. There are three possible combinations.
1) I got my period and will be scheduling a HSG.
2) I will be 18 dpo, no period, no BFP
3) I will have a BFP.
While I am hoping it is option 3, if I were a betting woman, I would pick door #1.
Regardless of outcome, I will be making a call to the doctor Monday. There are three possible combinations.
1) I got my period and will be scheduling a HSG.
2) I will be 18 dpo, no period, no BFP
3) I will have a BFP.
While I am hoping it is option 3, if I were a betting woman, I would pick door #1.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
One more week
In one more week, J will be home - Yay! The timing is either going to be awesome or crappy. My test date is the day before he gets home. The drawer I keep my HPT's in is jacked up right now (I shoved too much crap in it and now I can't get it open again. Score.) So I am thinking I am going to wait until he gets home and go from there. Either I will be bleeding like a banshee (likely) or we will have something great to celebrate (not holding my breath for this one).
Doesn't help that J was talking to a couple of guys in his unit- one who just found out his wife is pregnant again (I am fairly certain this will be Irish twins for them- he got back in May when J did and she got pregnant then, so that baby cannot be very old) and the other who just found out has 4 kids and his wife is pregnant with twins. DH said he is either going to send the first guy over to take care of things, or else have the second guy just drive by and throw some sperm at the house. Lovely. We've done a SA hon, it's not you, remember? Men and their need to solve a problem. Too bad he's solving the wrong problem.
Doesn't help that J was talking to a couple of guys in his unit- one who just found out his wife is pregnant again (I am fairly certain this will be Irish twins for them- he got back in May when J did and she got pregnant then, so that baby cannot be very old) and the other who just found out has 4 kids and his wife is pregnant with twins. DH said he is either going to send the first guy over to take care of things, or else have the second guy just drive by and throw some sperm at the house. Lovely. We've done a SA hon, it's not you, remember? Men and their need to solve a problem. Too bad he's solving the wrong problem.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Easiest breakup ever
At least on my end. I have been carpooling with a lady since November. At first it was great as gas was $4/gallon and she was going into work every day. Saved me a bunch on gas (as obviously I was picking up part of the tab to gas up her car, which gets better mileage than mine) as well as wear and tear on the car. The starting in December, she went to 3 days a week. Ok, still doable, but it was screwing with my schedule a bit.
Then gas prices dropped. And she only commutes 2 days a week now. Honestly, it's only saving me about $10 a week. I can make that up by taking my lunch in and work a half hour of OT (my lunch) one day a week. To top it off, for two days a week I have to get up an hour and a half earlier, get to work a half hour earlier and leave a half hour later. Makes for a long damn day being stuck there all day. I am used to my freedom and have been struggling with the fact that I had to give some of it up.
To top it off, she freaking annoys me. I am not a morning person- she is a talker. We also have very differing views on things (like I find it stupid that her 26 year old daughter called her for entertainment because she was bored because her power had been out for 5 minutes. I wish I was kidding). And then there's her comment about it taking them forever to conceive their third child- all 3 months (and this includes a m/c on month 2). You would think considering it took her sister 7 years to conceive she would have a little more sensitivity in regards to that topic (and the fact that she knew how long we had been trying).
So today she calls me and they are way behind and she has some personal issues which have surfaced and I will need to drive myself for the next several weeks. Yeah, the next several meaning the rest of my life. I do thank her for saving us the money she did, but it is just not in my personality to be completely dependent on someone else. If she got in a wreck leaving her work (which apparently she has had several close calls and an accident one day I wasn't with her), I would be stranded for hours. And my luck would be it would be a day that J is out of town.
Hooray for getting back my hour and a half of sleep!
Then gas prices dropped. And she only commutes 2 days a week now. Honestly, it's only saving me about $10 a week. I can make that up by taking my lunch in and work a half hour of OT (my lunch) one day a week. To top it off, for two days a week I have to get up an hour and a half earlier, get to work a half hour earlier and leave a half hour later. Makes for a long damn day being stuck there all day. I am used to my freedom and have been struggling with the fact that I had to give some of it up.
To top it off, she freaking annoys me. I am not a morning person- she is a talker. We also have very differing views on things (like I find it stupid that her 26 year old daughter called her for entertainment because she was bored because her power had been out for 5 minutes. I wish I was kidding). And then there's her comment about it taking them forever to conceive their third child- all 3 months (and this includes a m/c on month 2). You would think considering it took her sister 7 years to conceive she would have a little more sensitivity in regards to that topic (and the fact that she knew how long we had been trying).
So today she calls me and they are way behind and she has some personal issues which have surfaced and I will need to drive myself for the next several weeks. Yeah, the next several meaning the rest of my life. I do thank her for saving us the money she did, but it is just not in my personality to be completely dependent on someone else. If she got in a wreck leaving her work (which apparently she has had several close calls and an accident one day I wasn't with her), I would be stranded for hours. And my luck would be it would be a day that J is out of town.
Hooray for getting back my hour and a half of sleep!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Would someone explain to my face
that:
A) It is not the week before my period
B) I am not 15
Seriously- what the hell? They are frigging everywhere! Can I blame this on working out? Because I totally will (since that is not something I am going to stop doing anyway).
Speaking of working out- According to my Wii Fit- I was just under 235 on January 3rd. As of March 1st- 216. 19 lbs in 56 days. Not too shabby. I would totally take another 19 lbs though! I am planning on lifting in our state meet at the end of April (about 53 days from now) and am planning on lifting in my "correct" wright class of 198. The nice thing is I am actually at a weight right now that I totally could cut the weight in a couple weeks if I had to. But I would much rather lose it correctly so I don't have to starve myself before the meet. It does affect my lifts, among other things (like the fact that I am a holy terror to live with in that time).
Speaking of lifting, I also got an invite to lift at the world benchpress championship. Too bad we cannot swing the money it would cost to go to Luxembourg. Sigh. Perhaps another year. Funny thing is I haven't lifted in bench nationals since 2004- 5 years. They must be hurting (with this economy though it really doesn't surprise me).
A) It is not the week before my period
B) I am not 15
Seriously- what the hell? They are frigging everywhere! Can I blame this on working out? Because I totally will (since that is not something I am going to stop doing anyway).
Speaking of working out- According to my Wii Fit- I was just under 235 on January 3rd. As of March 1st- 216. 19 lbs in 56 days. Not too shabby. I would totally take another 19 lbs though! I am planning on lifting in our state meet at the end of April (about 53 days from now) and am planning on lifting in my "correct" wright class of 198. The nice thing is I am actually at a weight right now that I totally could cut the weight in a couple weeks if I had to. But I would much rather lose it correctly so I don't have to starve myself before the meet. It does affect my lifts, among other things (like the fact that I am a holy terror to live with in that time).
Speaking of lifting, I also got an invite to lift at the world benchpress championship. Too bad we cannot swing the money it would cost to go to Luxembourg. Sigh. Perhaps another year. Funny thing is I haven't lifted in bench nationals since 2004- 5 years. They must be hurting (with this economy though it really doesn't surprise me).
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Being sick sucks
I would love to be able to keep down food. Something other than noodle soup and crackers (though crackers don't really do all that well either). Started with a horrific night on Wednesday. I went to bed early because my bowl of Rice A Roni was not sitting well and I could feel AF was on her merry way. I woke up at 2 AM Thursday and made a mad dash to the bathroom where I got to greet said Rice A Roni again. Joy. I puked it up and thought I was done. I attempted to go back to bed. No dice. Apparently my butt wanted in on the party. I called into work around 7:00 and between the Pepto and anti-diarrhea pills, I was finally able to pass out for an hour around 8AM. Then I got up and went to work (because I am crazy like that. Ok, I had a major invoice that needed to go out and no one else in the office knows the requirements for it. There was no way to walk someone through it over the phone either).
I managed to keep down noodle soup and crackers Thursday night (the only thing I ate all day). Friday I wasn't feeling much better, but was still not finished at work and needed to get it done as it was due that day. I got everything done at work about an hour before quitting time, so I just killed time to the end of the day instead of wasting time off. I thought my stomach was feeling better Friday night, so I ordered a cheesesteak. Not a huge mistake, but I ended up throwing up in my mouth a couple times (hawt, I know). But it stayed down for the most part. I even managed to poop a little that night, but it was not pleasant and I thought I had opened Pandora's box again when I did.
Saturday was spent on the couch until it was time to go out for my friend's birthday. Had a decent meal, but didn't eat a whole lot. I was doing great until about 5 minutes after I quit eating. It felt like a knife was driven into my stomach. I rushed to the bathroom and managed to not have anything come out either end. Hooray. We were then going to go out to continue celebrating. I felt bad bailing on her, but I didn't think my stomach was going to handle it. I was right. About 5 minutes after, I ended up puking up supper. Woo hoo. Good times.
Today is filled with more noodle soup and crackers. I might try a little of my leftovers in a little while. We shall see.
I managed to keep down noodle soup and crackers Thursday night (the only thing I ate all day). Friday I wasn't feeling much better, but was still not finished at work and needed to get it done as it was due that day. I got everything done at work about an hour before quitting time, so I just killed time to the end of the day instead of wasting time off. I thought my stomach was feeling better Friday night, so I ordered a cheesesteak. Not a huge mistake, but I ended up throwing up in my mouth a couple times (hawt, I know). But it stayed down for the most part. I even managed to poop a little that night, but it was not pleasant and I thought I had opened Pandora's box again when I did.
Saturday was spent on the couch until it was time to go out for my friend's birthday. Had a decent meal, but didn't eat a whole lot. I was doing great until about 5 minutes after I quit eating. It felt like a knife was driven into my stomach. I rushed to the bathroom and managed to not have anything come out either end. Hooray. We were then going to go out to continue celebrating. I felt bad bailing on her, but I didn't think my stomach was going to handle it. I was right. About 5 minutes after, I ended up puking up supper. Woo hoo. Good times.
Today is filled with more noodle soup and crackers. I might try a little of my leftovers in a little while. We shall see.
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